Blah-blah-blah-thousands. Blah-blah-blah-generational talent. We like to celebrate amazing careers and statistical milestones here. But what about the other end of the spectrum?

Here’s our look at the four shortest careers in Gump Worsley Memorial Hockey League history – careers that came and went in the time it takes for you to brush your teeth. Look at it as a celebration of incredible efficiency! Maybe these guys were all just really, really fast.

Zoom.

4. Kevin Smyth, Sterling Eagles – 10 minutes in ’96-’97

This guy is Ryan Smyth’s brother.

3. Eric Chouinard, Saint Louis Blues – 7 minutes in ’01-’02

Chouinard is the scorer of the bunch – heck, by comparison, he’s a freaking all-star. Although he only played 7 minutes in total, he did it over the course of 6 games. He even managed an assist in there. Somebody get the red phone and raise the Hall of Fame!

2. Denis Hamel, Rosemont Revolution – 5 minutes in ’01-’02

Hamel wishes very badly that he was Eric Chouinard. His five minutes of fame with Rosemont resulted in… four faceoffs taken and one faceoff won for a 25% rate of success in the circle. A lifetime of memories…

1. Milan Bartovic, San Diego Gulls – 3 minutes in ’06-’07

Bartovic is a phantom, his name furtively invoked in front of dying bonfires at summer camp. Did you know if you say his name three times in front of a mirror…? So is that ‘c’ in his name postalveolar, or…?

Anyway, our Slovakian Spectre saw 180 seconds of ice in his GWMHL career. He didn’t score or set up a goal. He didn’t take a shot. He didn’t manage a block or to hit anyone, either, which just lends credence to our belief that he was pretty much non-corporeal.

But Milan Bartovic did complete a pass in his 3-minute career. And for that we salute him.